I closed on my first house on Monday night. Just 24 hours later, my neighbor's tree came uprooted and fell into my new home, completely puncturing and penetrating the roof in several places. I hadn't even moved a single box into the house yet! WTF!
Nothing says "You owe me" like cleaning your friend's vomit out of your car. Until catastrophe strikes. And after a long day of sampling 80 delicious craft beers at the annual Firkin Fest, it doesn't take much for the stars to align.
Most people generally agree that the holidays are a pretty stressful time for everyone. Oh yeah? Top THIS.
Every year, I organize an assault on the upper class by invading their civic fundraisers. Namely, I attend their "Uncorked" wine, scotch, and craft beer tasting event. Now, the point of this event (at least to me and my motley crew) is to infiltrate the holier-than-thous and drink their wine... in the most brazen way possible. We have never been disappointed, until this year.
This past Memorial Day I was invited to experience the awe and wonder that is Dave's Brewfarm in Wilson, WI. I had no idea what I was in for, but our local cigar-loving craft beer authority Hugh Jeffner said I was in for a treat, so I decide to take that horny bastard's advice and sign up.
For the uninitiated, the Overnight Web Challenge is a competition where teams of developers produce an entire website from scratch in just 24 hours. The finished sites benefit non-profit organizations. It's an event that people look forward to all year, and is attended by geeks and statesmen alike. No shit... Even Al Franken gave a funny speech this year!
The year was 1997, and really, I should have known better. But I was a lovesick romantic with hardly any social circles to explore, so I ended up spending lots of time online... playing Starcraft, posting in geeky forums, and hanging out in chat rooms. Naturally, this would be my undoing.
After many false starts, I figured I'd give internet dating a fair shot, but I also set my limits. Baseball has fairly simple rules, so I figured I'd go with the 3 strike rule. Now, I know what you're thinking... But trust me, it's far, far worse.
Farewell, my adversary. You were never all that reliable, and we often disagreed about what was best. But you were always there, like a shadow or perhaps a stalker, so I suppose loyalty was your only noble trait. You always dumped your problems on me, like an elderly cashier at a big box store, and I never forgave you for that. But you did help me move a few times, so I guess you weren't completely useless.
Even though maintaining the company website is the equivalent of 7 full-time jobs, I felt I deserved some time away from the office, acting like a newlywed. Management assured me that they had everything under control and that I should take some time off to enjoy my honeymoon. What they failed to understand is that the honeymoon was in a remote wilderness area, and I would be completely out of communication for 10 days.
I got married a few months ago, and like most weddings, we had a guest book. The reception would be the first (and last) time my darksider death-metal friends would intermix with my uber-Christian family. I thought I had all of my bases covered... but little did I know, that guest book would be a recipe for disaster.